W a t c h
Trains have never really been my favourite mode of transport, I always gain some sort of anxiety around them, perhaps its the timing of them, the possibility of delays and changes.
It’s easy to become obsessed and aware with time when traveling. I become incredibly clock aware. The very thought of what time it could be drives a beat in-between my hearts beat. I guess what I’ve learnt over time is that - with how my life works I don’t clock watch unless I have too and Im slowly learning to be expecting of time and how it runs away. I wear a watch. I not only wear it not so Im aware of the time, I wear it to enjoy that I’ve forgotten time. It started when I was at a show, We’d just finished sound checking and we were running late. The doors were about too open to let the guests and audience in. I felt that I wasn’t allow to delay, I was worried of my coworkers perception of me. I didn’t want to seem egotistical and further my time on this soundcheck, So I sped the process up so we could open doors on time. We sounded ropey and muddy all night and I couldn’t stop thinking that It was my fault because I wanted the doors to be open on time. So I started meditating on the idea that perhaps even though we run on the same time zone, perhaps everything and everyone has their own clock. Time + People ≠ Individual clocks. My anxiety of the club door being open on time and endearing to the audience and club Clock, effected mine and my bands clock and in turn created a bit of a rushed and stressful state.
This happens quite a lot in my life. In terms of trains, planes, buses and other modes of transport, I feel we’re introduced to another clock and in order to be in time with them we have to synchronise clocks. All of them, in order to move smoothly. However, I feel that my clock with never be time with travel, Its always a minute ahead, or they're ten minutes behind. I fear the ease of travel with never be made a simple thing for me. Unless I set my clock to theirs. However, I’ve far too stubborn for that now. I enjoy my clock a little too much. And I think everyone else is the same. Hence, the stress of commuting. Everyones just running on their on clocks